What You Can Buy For $9995
1) 736 Pounds of Perforated Bubble Wrap
The crunch of a new-fallen leaf. The snugness of a freshly made bed. The warmth of a sweater right out of the dryer. The satisfaction of a job well done.
All of these pale in comparison to the joyous stress relief afforded by this, the humblest of packing materials. Although you could score a good 1,920 pounds of biodegradable packing peanuts for a cool $9,704, what would be the point? You can't pop 'em!
But for true driving satisfaction, the new Nissan Micra is also within your reach. Just ask the pros at Abbotsford Nissan!
2) 27 Assorted Inflatable Flailing Arm Tube Guy Things (with Fans)
Great thinkers throughout history might not agree on much, but they do know this: nothing says enthusiasm like a dancing anthropomorphic nylon tube given life by a heavy-duty fan.
So if you've got a cool ten grand sitting around, why rest on your laurels when a multicolored wind-powered party is only mere hours away?
That depends on whether you'd rather spend your hard-earned cash to get behind the wheel of Auto123.com's 2015 Subcompact of the Year...
3) 249 Copies of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone: Illustrated Edition
This publishing sensation arrived in Canada in 1998, and neither literature nor cinema were ever quite the same. Between movies, video games, and cover art from editions across the globe, it seems as if we've seen all there is to see of the wizarding world - until this year, when publisher Bloomsbury brought Jim Kay's full-color illustrated edition of Harry's first adventure to Canada.
And now you can relive these classic adventures a whopping 249 times - or you could plot your own course in a five-speed automatic subcompact that fits any budget. You'll be the envy of wizards, Muggles, Squibs, and centaurs everywhere!
4) 6.9 Miles of Zebra-Print Shoelaces
There's something about the zebra that cannot be tamed, and that's… the zebra itself. So if you're a recovering Scrooge McDuck who just realized that filling your bathtub with loonies isn't all it's cracked up to be, there's only one way to show your true, wild stripes - with 9,750 24-inch shoelaces. Monochromatic shoe accessorizing has never been so appealing, or so accessible. And whether you're a fan of the mountain zebra, the plains zebra, or the extinct quagga (Equus quagga quagga for you nomenclature enthusiasts), you'll show off your colors in style.
Or you could negotiate the 8.6 L / 100km City / 6.6 L / 100km Highway fuel efficiency of the new Nissan Micra. That's one hundred percent as wild… if not wilder.
5) 3,488 Custom 22-Inch Foam Hands Pointing Up
"We're number one" is fun to chant, and it's an encouraging, tried and true refrain for sports fans, universities, and small but enthusiastic groups of coworkers on team-building retreats.
But we both know the truth. We're only number one because you are.
You've worked hard all your life, and it's time to let everyone know that you're a cut above the crowd. So fork over the cash, and you'll take home enough custom-made foam hands to let nearly every man, woman, and child in Holts Summit, Missouri join you in celebration.
Or, you know, you could check out the new Nissan Micra at Abbotsford Nissan. With over 25 years of experience, we know a thing or two about being #1.